The Missing Teeth

Maggie is one of the sweetest residents we have. As I mentioned earlier, you will almost always find her sitting on the couch in front of the office, on the left cushion. This couch is right at the bottom of the stairs, so often, as Kierston and I are get to the bottom of the stairs and go past the couch, she pulls her legs in closer to the couch so we don't step on them. She has an adorable southern drawl as well that brings me back to my summers spent in Georgia.

One night while I was down in the office getting the keys, she came to the window and said "Excuse me, what the hell is going on here? Where are my teeth?!" As she said this she pulled back her lips with her fingers and sure enough, nothing but gums. I am pretty sure I laughed out loud.
"They are up in your room," I replied. "They were taken out for the night."
"Oh. Well, where's my room?"
I laughed again and took her by the hand and started up the stairs.
"So my teeth are in my room? Are they safe?"
"You bet. We lock them up every night so the tooth trolls don't get them. They are secure for the night. No worries." (I have to have a little fun with it...)
"Oh okay. That's good," came her reply with a sigh of relief.


Just last night, Kierston was walking through the halls and ran into Maggie wandering around. She got to experience a similar scenario.
"Where are my teeth? They've gone missing," Maggie asked once again as she pulled back her lips to reveal only gums.
"They were taken out for the night and put in a cleaning solution," my wife cheerfully responded.
"Oh shit! Why didn't anyone tell me they took 'em?"
I didn't know it was possible to pick pocket teeth (or in this case would it be considered "pick mouth")... Those trolls are really getting good at what they do. I'd be more sure about safeguarding my teeth if I were you or you might end up like Maggie with a mouthful of nothing.

My amazing wife lovingly reassured her that they would be there in the morning and that someone would be there to help her put them back in. Kierston really is great with the residents and they all just adore her. They are constantly telling her how pretty she is. She treats them all like they are her own grandparents. She will make a great mom someday (no she is not pregnant).

Last night was kind of a rough night. The last two nights Fannie has buzzed early in the morning so that we would move her up in the bed so she could see the TV better. The pager is supposed to be used for emergencies only, so I am trying to teach her that paging us for that is not okay.

Also, Ella, buzzed a couple of times because her feet hurt. She can only sort of hear out of her left ear and not at all out of her right, so you have to yell right into her left ear, and only sometimes does that work. We have resorted to using rudimentary hand gestures... We gave her some Tylenol the first time she buzzed last night, but when she buzzed again an hour later, there wasn't anything we could do. She has been guilty of just wanting attention in the past, so we are trying to decide if she is lonely, or really in pain. Hopefully it is the latter and they can get her stronger medication so she can make it through the night.

We really do enjoy living here. The hardest part is only getting three nights a month off. We love to go out and be spontaneous and go camping, but this is really putting a damper on all that. We already have every night off planned for the next two months, and that is cutting the family reunion in July short. We don't have kids, but this is probably worse because not only do we get woke up in the middle of the night, but we are tied to this place like an eagle on a string. If we weren't saving so much each month, I would reconsider. However, add in the great interactions with the residents, and that makes the tethering a little less painful.

A few Memorable Moments

I thought I would start out by reminiscing a bit about the last 2 months. There have been quite a few funny moments, and I wouldn't want them to go to waste.

One of the first residents I met was Maggie. She is a sweet lady who gets confused often and loves to sit on the couch right by the office, the cushion on the left. I have had a couple of experiences with her that left me chuckling to myself.

One night about 1:30 am we got a page from the front office. I went down to check it out, and there was Maggie, in nothing but a t-shirt. Luckily the shirt was just long enough to cover everything that would have scarred me for life. "Where am I?" she asked. I responded that she was home and asked her if she wanted me to take her to her room. She was worried about having on only a shirt, so I assured her the coast was clear. As we were nearing the top of the stairs she voiced her concern again. I once again assured her that no one was behind us. She merely responded with "Oh well, there's not much there anyway." It was classic.

Another evening, I was walking through the house and came around a corner, and there was Maggie. "This is Maggie. Where am I?" "You are home. Want to go to your room?" I asked. "Yes, but I don't know where it is." I showed her to her room, and went in to turn on the light. On my way back out she cheerfully asked "Want to spend the night with me?" I laughed out loud and responded "Maggie, your just not my type. Besides, I don't think my wife would approve..." My first invitation to stay with a resident.

The other night about 1:30 AM, we got a page from Ilene. She is a 93 yr old from Switzerland. She normally doesn't have any problems so we were surprised she paged us. I went to her room to see what was up, but she wasn't there. I was starting to get worried. I started looking over the whole house and as I approached the office, I heard voices. It was Ilene, Leah, and Jennelle. "What's up?" I asked.

Ilene started into how Jennelle had come into her room (we couldn't get Jenelle to go to bed that night because she insisted that some "friends" of hers were coming to visit- she just wanted to wait for them in her wheelchair...) and was bothering her, so Ilene had brought her to the office. Just then Jenelle piped in "What is she saying? No I didn't. She's lying." Knowing that Jenelle was a little out of her mind already, I decided to believe Ilene. Then I looked at Leah and asked her what she was doing. "I thought I missed breakfast" was her reply. I explained that breakfast wasn't for another 6 hours and asked if she wanted to go back to bed. "Yes, but I don't know where my room is." After taking her to her room, I returned for Ilene. As we were arriving to her room she looks at me, points to her head and says in her German accent "I'm 93 and still have my noodle." It was great.

I then returned downstairs for Jenelle. She was still insistent that she wait up for her "friends" that were coming to visit her. I'm sure she had lots of "friends" come visit her that night... I decided to just start pushing her wheelchair to the elevator and force her to go to bed, but after trying unsuccessfully to stop me with her feet, she looked up at me with a pissed off look on her face and said "Now don't start getting pushy with me young man." I was tired, wanted to sleep, and had had enough. I told her to enjoy the visit with her friends and went back to bed. Twice the next day they found her blocks away from the house still looking for her "friends."

Another day, Janelle went up to one of my co-workers and said "I just got clearance from the tower for take off, I'm ready to go." She was using her wheelchair brake as the throttle and making vroom noises. She then looked up with a puzzled look on her face and confusedly said "but I can't find my passengers." Heaven have mercy on those who are unfortunate enough to be her passengers. I guess she still searching for her "friends."

One day at lunch, Janelle decided to go rogue. As other residents started to leave the cafeteria, she decided to block them in with her wheelchair. As they would start to go around her with their walkers, she would angle to cut them off again. She was determined to keep everyone in. It was hilarious.

Valerie was one of the three residents that have passed on since we moved in. Two nights before she died, I got a page from her at 2 AM. As I opened her door she said almost in tears "I can't find my cat." Seriously?! You woke me up because you can't find your cat?! I might have been more understanding if my love of cats was not the same as for a pigeon. I "diligently" searched her room. I heard the meowing and told her that it was in the room and that if she didn't find it by morning we would search the whole house. I just wanted to go back to sleep. They found the cat the next morning under her chair. She knew the next night was her last so she called all her family in and said her goodbyes and requested one thing- a screwdriver (the vodka and OJ drink). At least she got to go out happy.

There are more, but this is a good start. I'll add more as I get more time. Thanks for reading!

A little bit 'o background

My name is Terence. My wife (Kierston) and I were married in December 2009. 3 months later I got a new job as a financial advisor and we had to move to Colorado. We needed cheap housing. It came to our attention that there was an opening at an assisted living center and a month later we were moving all our stuff into the small but quaint one bedroom apt on the second floor of the house. Our responsibilities would start every night at 10 PM and end the next morning at 6 AM when we passed the baton onto the next shift.

What is the baton? In this case, the baton consists of two pagers (each with a very loud and shrill beeping) and a set of keys to the medicine cart. Each of the +/-22 residents (depending on the mortality rate) has a button they always wear around their neck which they press when they are in need of some form of assistance. Our job is to provide that assistance from 10 to 6. In return we are get completely free living expenses. Rent, electricity, gas, water, cable, internet, etc.

So how much does living cost us? Some nights a lot more than others...

As you can imagine, living in the same house as 22 senior citizens has its ups and downs. Walking into a house with a bunch of smiling, grey haired older adults with walkers (with tennis balls on the rear feet and all) is great. Getting to know them individually and hear their stories is wonderful. Getting a page at 2 am because Fanni needs help adjusting herself so she can see the TV better; not so wonderful.

So I wanted a way to keep track of all the funny, and not so funny stories that I experience everyday. Some of them are sad, some of them have me laughing myself back to sleep, but they are all true.

I thought about just keeping a journal, but I had so many friends and family wanting to hear the stories that I had to find an easier way to share them, and blogging is what I felt was the easiest way to do it. I have never blogged before, nor have I ever really had the desire, mostly because my life was never something I thought was interesting enough to write about on a daily, or even monthly basis. So this is kind of a trial run thing. I'll do my best not to make it boring, and feel free to critique me anytime you want.

Thanks for reading and I hope you can find something of value, if not at least a good laugh in the posts to come.